A divorce is going to be a life-altering situation that will affect every aspect of your life, particularly if you have young children. Newly single parents may find it difficult to reconnect with their kids while also harboring some resentment for their former spouse, particularly if they are not the custodial parent. You may not feel like child support payments are enough, and you want to be a consistent presence. A Kansas City, MO divorce lawyer can help you with a plan.

Co-Parenting Is No Easy Task

In a contested divorce, your children are going to have a hard time adjusting to a new normal, especially if you and your former spouse are having trouble co-parenting or even being around each other. Children are often perceptive and might pick up on that animosity. They may even start to feel it’s their fault, which you should consistently reassure them about. When a divorce is finalized, and you realize your relationship with your kids has changed, you may feel guilty.

You might start to feel that by divorcing your spouse, you have given up on your family, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. By choosing to get yourself out of a failing relationship, you are prioritizing your own happiness, which in turn can make you more focused on being a present and devoted parent. The alternative is staying in an unhappy marriage, which would not be beneficial to anyone. This may be the time when your children need you the most.

It is vital that you and your spouse develop a parenting plan, either together or with the help of the court, and stick to it for the sake of your kids. Sticking to a plan where both of you are present an equal amount and make big decisions together can make your kids feel like you’re both trying and that you care about their well-being above all.

The last thing you want to do is try to buy your kids’ affection and love with gifts or by ignoring all of your former spouse’s parenting rules. Trying to turn your kids against their other parent is called “parental alienation,” and if the other parent can prove you’re doing it, you could suffer legal penalties or even lose the current custody arrangement in a bad way.

Reconnecting With Your Kids

For the sake of your kids, you want to be able to co-parent with your former spouse as effectively as possible. Otherwise, you risk alienating your kids or giving them emotional issues that can affect them later in life. After a divorce, your main focus should be ensuring your kids are doing well and never letting them think this is their fault. That can be easier said than done, and you are probably going to make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them. Here are some tips:

  • Speak with your kids. There is a strong chance your kids are picking up far more about the divorce and your relationship than you might think. Sitting down with them together, if possible, and being honest with them might be a wise thing to do. Let them talk to you about how they feel, really listen to them, and adjust things moving forward to give them the space or routine that they need from you.
  • Manage your expectations. It is important that you realize this is going to take time. One conversation is not going to fix everything. You need to let things play out however they are going to play out. You may want to help your kids build a routine and let them know that they can always rely on you for emotional support. This is going to take time, so you shouldn’t force it.

FAQs

Q: How Important Is Communication With Your Kids?

A: Communication is vitally important when it comes to building and maintaining a relationship with your kids. If you close yourself off from your kids, they are going to notice, and they are likely going to act out just to get your attention. They may misbehave more, talk back more, or even start doing poorly in school. You need to be honest with your kids about your divorce and how things are going to change.

Q: Can Infidelity Affect the Fallout of a Divorce?

A: Absolutely. Infidelity can greatly affect the fallout of a divorce. Missouri is a no-fault divorce state, but the court will likely consider the effect that one partner’s infidelity has had on the marriage. More personally, infidelity can completely destroy your relationship with your spouse. Co-parenting can be very difficult, as you may never want to see your spouse again. Finding a way forward for your kids will not be easy.

Q: What Is Parental Alienation?

A: Parental alienation occurs when one parent tries to use gifts, threats, and manipulation tactics to try and turn their kids against the other parent. It might start as a dislike but could grow into hatred for the other parent. Generally, parental alienation is considered a violation of the parenting plan and the court does not look favorably on it. Not only can it hurt you legally, but it can seriously impact your child’s emotional state and give them trust issues.

Q: Which Parent Gets Custody in Missouri?

A: Many different factors influence which parent gets custody in a Missouri divorce. Generally, it depends on the circumstances of the case at hand, whether the parents are married, and whether paternity has already been established. In cases where the parents are unmarried, and paternity has not been established, the court tends to award custody to the mother. If paternity is established, the father can seek custody.

Reach Out to a Divorce Lawyer

Reconnecting with your kids after a divorce may not be easy, depending on your circumstances, but it is not something you should ever give up on. A lot is going to change for you after your divorce, so you should consider trying to preserve what you can, including your relationship with your kids. The legal team at Stange Law Firm can help you figure out a reliable plan for your divorce. Contact us to speak with someone at our firm about your case.